Friday, February 26, 2016

Gossip and trash talk

WARNING: I drop the B-bomb in this blog a few times, so beware! Usually, my blog is family-friendly, but today, it's not!

I don't know about you guys, my OH MY GOD is so HARD to not trash-talk when you're hurt and frustrated!

I hate it when I find myself gossiping and trash-talking. I'm an adult, I'm not in high school any longer, so I've figured out that I don't have to do it. And there's a lot more respect for you when you don't. Maybe it comes with age. I don't like who I am when I recognize that I'm being that much of a bitch that I'm trash talking and fueling the fires of disagreements. I strive for peace, so this is why I get so mad at myself when I realize I'm doing it. Man, I hate doing it!

Some people deserve to be gossiped about, it's true. They've harmed you when you're vulnerable to them, and taken a perverse glee in causing you pain. And it's quite satisfying to unload on another person about how you've been wronged by someone else. It's quite satisfying to think that you're encouraging another person to take up arms against someone that hasn't wronged them personally, but they have you and it a test of your friendship. But really, is it making things easier for you? I promise you, it's not. And personally, I hate it when gangs of pretty girls band together (they're called #squads by the young people, I guess I'm old) and attack a single girl all by her lonesome. Sorry, TSwifty, this is why your #squad makes me nervous!

I've found that the best anecdote to gossip is to pretend the person talking about you doesn't exist and never harmed you, but keep them at a distance. Sure, it hurt when they laughed at you and made other people hate you, but that just means they're weak and wimpy. It doesn't make you any better to do it right back. But at the same time, that is SO not easy, right? I think we can all agree that the person gossiping about you is just a lowly, jealous, basic person. YOU my friend, are NOT. People who gossip all the time about banal things are insecure people looking to find the flaws in others. They want to make people around them more insecure and miserable than they already are. They think it'll elevate them. But doing those kinds of things doesn't bring you up. It just burrows you down into the muck and slime of jealousy. I've also found that when you give that mean person that hurt you your energy to the point that you're gossiping, you're allow them power over you, admitting you are insecure to them. I try to think of it as, "Why would you let someone so lowly and toxic reign over your life?" Easier said than done. Y'all, it's SO HARD sometimes, no kidding! I'm not going to pretend I don't struggle with it!

I wish I had had these kinds of skills in high school. The gossip in high school was TERRIBLE for me (at least I remember it being that way). It seems to be the same across the board for people from all over the place, not just my high school. For me, it felt like a defense mechanism when I found out (or heard) someone was talking smack about me (sometimes, it was just a third party trying to create drama for their own amusement, but I didn't catch on since I was really naive and bit gullible back then). Trust me, the third-party thing? It blows. It took me until just recently to figure out that some people just want to stir the pot, and this is why you (theoretically) shouldn't gossip in return. You could be trash-talking about an innocent person and hurting them.

Yo, it is so hard to escape it. I've done some community theatre, and sometimes, people get involved in it that want nothing more than to divide and conquer, and that means talking trash because they feel the need to manipulate people. Why manipulate people? It's insecurity on their part. I've had people say nasty things about me, and it sucks. Wow, does it suck! But I've realized that acknowledging it and trying to get back at them makes things tougher for me, and drags me in. Lucky for me, I've been called "aloof" a time or two in the theatre, but I kind of take that as a positive because...
a·loof :
adjectivenot friendly or forthcoming; cool and distant.
"they were courteous but faintly aloof"

"part of their strategy is to remain aloof during the first stages of negotiation"
conspicuously uninvolved and uninterested, typically through distaste.
"he stayed aloof from the bickering"
For me? This is a great thing. It means I'm outside the drama and BS and select who I want to bring into my private life. Honestly, I hope y'all can get to that point, too. It's really nice when you find yourself above all that crap and can associate with people that don't thrive on it. Cool things happen when you're not around it and surround yourself with good people. Gossip is way too complicated to live with and a complete waste of your life and time!

There are better things to talk about, like ideas and things that you are passionate about, your dreams and your hopes. This is something I have to remind myself, since I'm perfectly imperfect (God knows I'm far from perfect) and proud of it.

I really think that they are three types of people in this world that can be identified by what they talk about:
  1. Those who gossip about other people
  2. Those who talk about ideas
  3. Those who talk about making their ideas happen

So... I just want to be person #3. That's my goal in life, to be as far away from #1 as possible. I hope it's yours, too.


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