Thursday, January 7, 2021

Cult of Terrorism

I'm reflecting on yesterday's coup attempt and I watched it yesterday as it unfolded on NBC NOW and CNN. Donald Trump made statements encouraging the rally-goers yesterday to overtake Capitol Hill to stop the confirmation of Biden's win in the electoral college. People looted Capitol Hill and terrorized the staff and Congresspeople, scaled the walls, pointed their guns, threatened police and security guards, and raided personal offices.

I'm still having panic attacks from it. I was terrorized.

Friday, January 1, 2021

Remembering 2020

2020 was a tough year for everybody.

It was for me, too.

I'm so glad it's over, but I realized it was important to really sit in and realize what it meant.

The worst health pandemic happened, obviously. And I don't feel that we had good leadership through it. I broke my own rule that I wasn't going to talk about political things on my author Facebook, and I ended up talking about it because it was a matter of life or death.

People I know and loved died from COVID.

I lost an incredibly close friendship suddenly because she said some really horrible things that weren't true. It was hard and there was a lot of grief, as if there was an actual death.

With work and my internship, I couldn't be there for my mother like she needed as a widow, and we decided with my sister, as a family, it was best for her to move out of the country to live with my sister and her family for her mental health and to avoid isolation.

There was more coming to terms with my father's passing and the grief. 

I'm middle-aged. This means my life is half-over; and while parts of it feel wasted, I'm able to reflect on why it got wasted.

At the end of the year, there was a terrorist bombing in downtown Nashville which was shocking and upset our sense of comfort and safety and community here in the Nashville area.

But while this is a season of life, good things happened, too.

I found I was much more capable than I thought. I was faced with challenges with my internship and discovered how good I was at solving problems on my own.

I discovered even more capable I am as an adult. Adulting doesn't seem so bad now.

I'm making choices about where to go in life as an adult.

There was another good thing in writing: I found a good development editor/coach who helped me with finishing a draft of the first Magi Chronicles book.

While my life is half over, I realized I needed to take the time to enjoy my situation more- even alone and in quarantine, not wish for it to "hurry up and be over with" like I keep hearing out of people. I want to enjoy my life so much more and treasure the rest of it. So I created ways to enjoy the social distancing and improve myself. 

My mother is in a better place living with my sister-- and I'm going to go visit them once I'm done with grad school in July. I'm sad she left the country, but it's for the best for her health. With my father having passed, I'm realizing how fragile life is. And how important not wasting your life is.

A vaccine has been created and is being distributed among the American public for COVID.

I made better friends and recognized some dangerous personality traits I've been attracted to and need to stay away from.

I'm capable. So much so. 

We elected a better president and so far, the American Congress could shift to better leadership, pending Georgia's runoff election. I am so proud of the resistance that got Trump out of the White House as of January 20th, and I feel confident that a majority of Americans are intelligent to see poor leadership and what happens when they don't get involved in democracy-- and it DOES work.

As much as I've been shamed for spreading my politics, I am feeling much more stable in stating what I stand for with excellent reason why I do that make sense. I've a better support community when it comes to my political beliefs and we've seen it in action in this year's election. 

I'm learning how resourceful I can be, which I am thankful for. I think that's the theme I'm going to work on this year: being resourceful and self-reliant. But, my coffee maker broke on New Year's Eve. 2020 messed me with one last time! Thank goodness I had a French Press.