Surgery- what made me choose it

I am doing something that a lot of people find controversial and are going to have an opinion on: I had a breast reduction. No, I’m not sharing pictures of my breasts pre- or post-surgery yet, and definitely not on here. This is a family-friendly blog, but these things happen in families and everyday life, so I will talk about it without pictures of boobs but only with medical terminology. Sorry to the perverts who clicked wanting to see my boobs <not really>. 

This has been a long time in the making for me, and I am relieved. I’m awaiting people telling me I'm not doing everything I need to before doing this, like weight loss, getting better bras, etc.

I stopped asking people for their opinion on it and instead looked to myself on this choice. I am not my boobs. They are not my best feature (far from it). I've worked really hard on building up my self-esteem to see the best parts of myself that have nothing to do with my body parts. I don't want to date or be with a man who would dump me if he found out I had a breast reduction, either.

Why I'm doing it: 

Medically: 

Breast cancer runs in my maternal family and that’s scary enough. Even with proper self-exams, I fear I'll miss a lump in my breasts until it's something like Stage 4. I’m also living with chronic back pain that gets so intense at times, I vomit from it. I’ve even had bruises as a result of them. My shoulders have permanent divots in them from my bra straps and all the weight they'd supported. I usually get red, itchy lines in my skin from the bra elastics.

Financially:

Did you know that it's expensive to have big boobs? Did you know how much I've spent on bras that actually keep my breasts standing up and looking decent? Mine are usually $65 a pop. And then the underwire usually breaks within three to six months, so I have to buy the same bra in the same size and same color AGAIN.

Personally:

The amount of sexual harassment I’ve faced from having them sucks, too. Where do I put them? Sometimes, it's impossible to cover them up. I've even had people (ADULT men and women, not just kids) throw things at me when I'm minding my own business in an attempt to get any object lobbed in my cleavage and then burst out laughing at me when I'm stunned. It's embarrassing, and most of the time, I've been so stunned, I laugh in shock. Other men have assaulted me by groping my breasts in public places without my consent and catching me off guard-- as if that's not violating enough! 

And let's be dead honest: having big boobs doesn’t come with confidence.

I've tried to be okay with them. I've taken burlesque classes with some really great feminists who have been so encouraging. I exercise. I read body-positive literature. I go to therapy. I LOVE LIZZO! I take dance classes that help me find ways to grow what I can do with my body and find it's strength. I try to care for myself more now than ever, by eating nutritionally what someone with insulin resistance needs. I rarely feel the need to binge and purge anymore, I try to avoid self-starvation, too. I try to get adequate rest, but that hasn't been easy in grad school while working full time. I've even tried my hand at modeling. But I still find myself shying away from having my picture taken (not that I expect this surgery to be a miracle and make me look like a supermodel, I'm not that naive).

This hasn’t been an easy decision: I’m giving up a lot to do this- not just money. It's SURGERY. Scalpels have cut into my skin and have opened up my body. I went under anesthesia for several hours. Tissue was permanently cut out and removed from my body. I have had some pain, but it’s not anything serious. I might lose the ability to nurse a baby, if I ever got the opportunity to have one with a loving husband. These are sacrifices you have to be okay with when you have this procedure. I also had to get to a point where I made this choice on my own without the help or opinion of my family. I had to be willing to power through a lot of insurance red tape, too. This has been deemed a medically necessary procedure on me and insurance is paying for it— I have company insurance from work for once and a job to come back to from taking time off for surgery. Many of the other symptoms, like red mark indentations and shoulder indentations, since I was twenty and earlier. Imagine living like that without a lot of relief. It’s taken me out of work at times. Right now, I’m hoping the benefits outweigh the risks in the end and I get some relief.

If you are thinking of having a breast reduction or have already had one, and want to talk, I'm here for you. Please email me and I'd be happy to chat with you. I'll try to keep everyone up to date on surgery through my blog and what recovery is like. Take care, everyone!

Updates

I've been gone for a while, really wrapping myself up in graduate school, but I wanted to let my readers know how I've been.

There are updates (always) on my Facebook page. You can send me a friend request here and follow my news on my page here. As always, I'm on Instagram @eleniwriting as well.

One of the biggest (and worst) things that has happened to me in the last year has been losing my father. I'm still getting over it. Daddy and I were pretty close, but the end was pretty awful and I know he's in a better place now. I'm not ready to talk about how I'm feeling in public, yet, but he was important.

I'm getting used to the workload at my job and at school. This year so far, I have left off reading a lot of fictional books, but started out again. I'm enjoying reading, even though it's not at the rate I was reading previously.

What have I been doing?

A lot. I don't know if you know much about me, but career-wise, I've struggled. While I love writing, it's not a steady income. I know we all think that writers wake up, walk the dog, do some yoga, and then sit down and write for three hours or so in their beachouse, and then go out back to hang out watching the surf.

Ha.

I wish writing was that lucrative. Most writers make less than $10,000 a year. If they're lucky. And if they are actively releasing titles. I sure am not.

So last year, I took a jump, and took the GREs and applied to grad schools and if you haven't followed me on Facebook or Instagram...

COVER REVEAL! Siren Wars by K.M. Robinson

Shame on me! I meant to post this yesterday, but a small emergency came up and it slipped my mind, so I am posting today (It's not midnight, yet, right?).

I just ordered the Golden Trilogy, a dystopian/fairy tale book series by K.M. Robinson, who runs Reading Transforms, an excellent site for aspiring authors. She's done some graphic work for me, and I am always impressed by her knowledge on promotion and social media. She's also a butt-kicking author who writes at a staggering pace and designs her own covers and formats her own ebooks (can you believe it?). I admire her stamina! She's revealing a new trilogy coming out soon and is having a cover reveal of the Siren Wars books. They look so good, I can't wait for my own copies! Read more below the cut to see the covers!

Sound of Silence Release Blitz with Ali Winters

Hi everyone! Long time no see! I signed up for a book blitz, and it looks sooo good! I got my copy and I can't wait to read it! You love a good romance? And dystopian (hey, why not, I wrote HOME, of course!)? This book book is right up your alley! Read more about it under the cut and order your copy today!

Why the absence? A reflection on Home's Book Birthday

I have been absent lately.

I don't mean to be.

But things are shifting in my life. My energies are being redirected in so many ways.

Home is having a book birthday today. A cause for celebration, right? Well, about that...

Facebook question for the day

An acquaintance on Facebook asked this question today: "Question for the masses... Do YOU let the opinions of others about you affect you?"

Man, oh man. Did I care what people thought of me growing up! I thought I was worthless if I wasn't popular and liked. I know a lot of people like that in this world, and I feel sad for them. But, I realized that the saying, "You will become the sum of the people you surround yourself with" is true. There's no need to punish yourself by hanging out people that don't like you and/or speak badly of you. That's like self-flagellation for no real reason. Of course, when you're in school, you don't really get much of a choice of who you are around, but when you graduate, I swear it gets better, something to look forward to. In the mean time, try to be fair, honest, generous, and kind, but don't forget self-care.

Here's the response I shared on that thread, and I hope it rings true for you.

A few things weigh into that for me.

I grew up believing how much others liked me was equal to how good of a person I was. The older I am and the more confident I've become with age (and therapy to distance myself emotionally from the people who taught me that dangerous lesson, lol), the less stock I put in what other people think of me... in accordance to how close we are and how much I respect them as human beings.

The people I've chosen to surround myself in the last year are fair, honest, and generous, and laugh off rumors, not putting any stock in them. They don't manipulate or control me and who I'm friends with, and I want to be like them. If I'm not like them, why would they want to include me? So yeah, what they think is important to me. I want to reflect their values because I admire them as people.

With people that don't like me? Especially the toxic ones that set out to hurt me? Oh well, I don't have to hang out with them. They're not the only game in town. The more confident I've grown, the more I realize that they are the ones missing out because I love my friends and do my best to care for them and help them (within reasonable boundaries and limits). I think I'm a good friend, but I do have to take care of myself, first. You can't drink if you never fill your own cup. If I never interact with the people who don't like me and have made it clear to me, they can't really hurt me. Out of sight, out of mind.

So, in short, don't stay around people who think poorly of you when they make it clear one way or another. What other people think about you is none of your business anyway. You can't change it, so why bother? Just work to reflect your own values and live your life.