January and Feburary Reads and Exorcisms in my School Board Meetings (Yes, that's actually happening)

So uh... plot twist?

I lost my job in January, but I kinda saw it coming. I realized my best bet would be to start my own private practice and a lot of my time's been swallowed up with that, working a second job to make ends meet and... flooding disaster in my house.

This Is Fine Flood GIFfrom This Is Fine GIFs

Fun times. At least I've gotten to read some cool books and meet some really awesome people! Let's get into it.

November Reads

I started November laid off from a job I had hardly spent two weeks at. Great times! My whole life was projected into some chaos, but I felt I a little more grounded than the first time I found myself jobless. That's what a master's degree will do for you. I've spent a lot of time applying for jobs. I work a lot because I feel so guilty when I take time off. I didn't take time off when I got hired at my new job between that and my old job, because, I JUST CAN'T. I suck at work boundaries and time off. Well, God and/or the universe was like loooooool, think again!

I quit writing and October Reads

October 2023

I quit writing in October of 2023.

I've been struggling with creating good stories to write and I toil and toil over my manuscripts and making the storyline work. I haven't had new ideas for a usable new story in years. I come home from work, open up the laptop and I stare at old manuscripts for hours, nit-picking and staring at it, and starting all over.

It just struck me how little I physically read, I usually listen to audiobooks while driving, and you miss so much. I've talked about it, and I have a lot of books that I needed to read read, so I decided to start reading as much as I could again, too.

Facebook question for the day

An acquaintance on Facebook asked this question today: "Question for the masses... Do YOU let the opinions of others about you affect you?"

Man, oh man. Did I care what people thought of me growing up! I thought I was worthless if I wasn't popular and liked. I know a lot of people like that in this world, and I feel sad for them. But, I realized that the saying, "You will become the sum of the people you surround yourself with" is true. There's no need to punish yourself by hanging out people that don't like you and/or speak badly of you. That's like self-flagellation for no real reason. Of course, when you're in school, you don't really get much of a choice of who you are around, but when you graduate, I swear it gets better, something to look forward to. In the mean time, try to be fair, honest, generous, and kind, but don't forget self-care.

Here's the response I shared on that thread, and I hope it rings true for you.

A few things weigh into that for me.

I grew up believing how much others liked me was equal to how good of a person I was. The older I am and the more confident I've become with age (and therapy to distance myself emotionally from the people who taught me that dangerous lesson, lol), the less stock I put in what other people think of me... in accordance to how close we are and how much I respect them as human beings.

The people I've chosen to surround myself in the last year are fair, honest, and generous, and laugh off rumors, not putting any stock in them. They don't manipulate or control me and who I'm friends with, and I want to be like them. If I'm not like them, why would they want to include me? So yeah, what they think is important to me. I want to reflect their values because I admire them as people.

With people that don't like me? Especially the toxic ones that set out to hurt me? Oh well, I don't have to hang out with them. They're not the only game in town. The more confident I've grown, the more I realize that they are the ones missing out because I love my friends and do my best to care for them and help them (within reasonable boundaries and limits). I think I'm a good friend, but I do have to take care of myself, first. You can't drink if you never fill your own cup. If I never interact with the people who don't like me and have made it clear to me, they can't really hurt me. Out of sight, out of mind.

So, in short, don't stay around people who think poorly of you when they make it clear one way or another. What other people think about you is none of your business anyway. You can't change it, so why bother? Just work to reflect your own values and live your life.

My time is valuable: where did chivalry go?

I recently got a message from a guy acquaintance on IM from a guy I had met at a party. It was nice to hear from him, but he was IM-ing me as I left work. I apologized and explained as politely as possible that I was driving home from work, which took about an hour in rush hour traffic, and I couldn't chat by IM. I also had to get to my parent's house and pick up my car, which my parents had run to the mechanic's for some work while I was at my job, and of course, my parents and I sat down and chatted for a while. And I had a phone interview scheduled, and a mass of laundry waiting for me at my house that night. The next day, he messaged me with a "Good evening". And that was it. I forgot about it because I was going to a friend's house for dinner and I've been trained not to get on my phone at the dinner table because my parents taught me table manners, even if we were just chomping on pizza. On Friday night, I got "Hi." I had to go drive Uber and do a book cover release party and arrange a meal for a dear friend who has just had surgery, so I let it slide. What did he want out of me? Now, I don't know if his interest in me was romantic or not, and I wouldn't assume such a thing. But this morning, I got "Bi" from him.

Ugh. Severe aggravation at that.